Cafe Conversations
by OftheWind
Summary: Just conversations between two HxH characters at a time, not plot heavy. (Can take requests) It's the same Yorknew cafe as in 'A Wedding for Hunters' where Gon and Killua met up. So yes, this is a spin off of that story. It's a parody of a parody! This is strictly for the lols and total crack. Convos are non pairing (unless noted)! Convo 4 up: Hisoka and Killua convo. Part one.
1. Knuckle and Shoot

"Hey…"

"What?" The redhead looked over to his fellow student with a quirked brow.

"What kind of girls do you like?"

Shoot blinked, flushing a bit to look away from Knuckle, "Well I don't really know. I don't ever think about stuff like that."

With arms crossed, Knuckle quirked a brow, "Never!? You mean to tell me that you've never bothered to make the decision that every man needs to!?"

"What decision is that exactly?"

"Are you…," Knuckle paused for effect, "A boobs man or an ass man!?"

Shoot's face had gotten as red as his hair, "Who thinks about that stuff!?"

"You mean you never bothered!? Hold on!", he pointed in the direction of a woman walking by, "Tell me that isn't nice."

The shyer of the two shook his head, "I can't even look!"

"See…that's your problem Shoot. You're way too timid! You won't even look! Well that's okay! I came prepared today!"

"P-prepared!? What does that even mean!?"

Knuckle pulled up what looked like a purse.

"K…Knuckle…is that a purse?"

"No. It's a man bag!"

"That is definitely a purse."

"Shut up! It holds my stuff. I'm a manly man! MAN BAG!"

Shoot looked horrified when Knuckle pulled out something pink with white polka dots.

Knuckle beamed and slammed his hand on the table with the object in question, "It's a shame that it has to be like this, but you've left me no choice!"

"K-Knuckle…are those…?"

"Yes! Now gaze upon their glory!"

Shoot looked for a moment before shifting his eyes, "Why in the world do you have this!?"

"For the sake of your manliness….gaze upon the panties man! How can you say no to them!?"

"I'm not saying no…I'm just…where did you get them!?"

"Store. Now imagine these on a fine lady."

"First you have a purse and in your purse you have women's underwear. I'm not sure if I can hang out with you anymore…"

"HUH!?"

"Knuckle…you have progressed into a weirdo."

"What the hell Shoot!? This is about teaching you a lesson! I'm not the weird one! You are!"

He just shook his head.

"So…I want you to picture this on the babe of your dreams. Right now. What's the kind of girl that you wouldn't be able to resist no matter what?"

_Oh my goodness!_ Now the amputee had to find a way to possibly tell Knuckle that instead of following instructions, he imagined them on the guy sitting across from him.

"Why are you snickering so hard like that? Are you imagining weird things!?"

"Pffft….no…"

"Yes you are!"

He had a hand over his mouth to try suppressing his snickers, "N-no…I'm not…"

"The hell man!?"

Of course, he wasn't usually this talkative or laughed so hard, not usually. Only Knuckle could make that happen.


	2. Ikalgo and Killua

A/N: x3 Done as a request!

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><p>"So now that you're not going to be...you know...pretty much an assassin, what do you think you'd want to do with yourself?"<p>

The octopus grinned at his fellow ex-assassin, "I have big plans Killua! Big plans!"

The Zoldyck reached for his cup of tea and took a light sip after giving a thoughtful, "Oh?"

"I want to open a restaurant...!"

He almost choked on his tea.

"Here! I brought a sample of my cooking!"

Killua slammed the teacup down and blinked, "D-did you really make sushi!? Of all things!? REALLY!?"

"Yeah try some!"

Killua smacked his own forehead, letting go of the teacup so he didn't break it, "Y-you really don't see any issue with this do you?"

"Nope! I think I'm pretty good! So try it already!"

"Tell me they aren't made of octopus...because I really...uh...after we became friends, it's a food I don't really eat anymore..."

"No no! They're salmon and eel! I couldn't do that to my own kind. Or could I...?"

"YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT!?"

"Well I'm a squid! And very squidderific mind you! Maybe I could make octopus sushi!"

"I...couldn't eat it...no matter how good it smelled...I'm sorry..."

"Just try it!"

Killua reached forwards warily. They _looked_ presentable enough. He picked it up and felt it between his fingers. He was an avid seafood lover, so what would be the harm? Well, they were eating homemade food in a cafe, which could piss off workers there, but he didn't really care. He gulped. The sushi smelled okay, actually the ingredients seemed pretty fresh. The rice was nice, fluffly, and sticking together perfectly, "What the hell...bottoms up...", he unceremoniously shoved the sushi into his mouth, looking away as his friend was glaring at him expectantly.

He paused, kept chewing.

Then reached for the next one, then the next, not satisfied until they were all gone.

Ikalgo beamed with pride, "You look happy!"

"These are so good! What the heck did you do to them!?"

"A chef never reveals his secrets!"

"Aww c'mon! I'm your friend aren't I? Tell meeeee!"

Ikalgo suddenly glared at him and lowered his voice, "I used the parts of renegade chimera ants..."

Killua had his finger to the back of his throat in an instant to make himself puke.

"OOOH! KILLUA I WAS JUST KIDDING!"

His eyes were a little teary and he gagged after dragging his finger out of his mouth, "W...what the HELL MAN!?"

"I was just kidding! I go fishing as a hobby and caught stuff to make the sushi!", Ikalgo laughed nervously while he was getting a death glare from his friend sitting across the table.

"That's...not...funny..."

Their waiter was upon them in an instant, "Oh my gosh sir are you alright!?"

Killua coughed, "Just...give me water."

"Right away sir!"

This particular waiter was back in what seemed like a flash, kneeling before him with a napkin in one hand and a cup of water in the other. He'd set the cup down on the table and reached to pat the coughing Zoldyck's back gently, "I'm sorry this happened. I hope it wasn't due to your meal! I can file a complaint for you if it was!"

Ikalgo froze.

Killua took the napkin, coughing into it before looking up to see the face of this nice waiter. Now that was some quality service. Perhaps he'd give him a nice tip when he went to leave the joint.

The waiter blinked when suddenly the silver haired lad was scooted as far away from him as humanly possible while at a window seat.

Ikalgo's draw dropped.

"P-p...POUF!?"

The waiter blinked, "Who?"

Killua pointed, "Y-you're Pouf!"

The waiter blinked, "I don't know what you're talking about. Who is Pouf?" He looked confused, wondering what he was going on about.

Ikalgo shook his head, "M-maybe he's just a look alike...you know that happens sometimes...like a mysterious force of the universe..."

Killua calmed a bit...just a bit.

The waiter blinked, "How rude. You're a regular here and I always see you and this isn't my first time serving you, and this is the first time you're looking at my face?" He crossed his arms with a little blush.

"You have a resemblance to someone we knew...and it's uncanny...", Killua was back in his seat normally, "And frankly scary..."

The waiter sweatdropped, "Ah okay...I'll leave you alone now...", he turned away a little dejected.

Killua and Ikalgo looked at each other, waited for the waiter to go a certain distance away, and then burst into laughter.

Ikalgo chuckled, "You should have seen the look on your face!"

Killua brought a napkin up to his eye, "Your face was even funnier man...", he blinked, seeing said napkin had a writing on the folded interior, "Oh...what's this now?" He unfolded it and blinked, "What the hell!?"

Ikalgo leaned in a bit, "What? What is it!?"

"That waiter just left me his phone number..."

"OOOOOH! Maybe he likes you!"

"Meh, but I don't know him. And he looks like...Pouf...", he crumbled the napkin and placed it on the table.

Ikalgo blinked, "That poor waiter. You just crushed his heart and napkin all at once", he shook his head, "So...since you're a fellow ex-assassin, what did you want to do with your time anyway? Since you like the food, I'm thinking of getting into the culinary business. I came up with a name for my venue! THE SQUID LOUNGE! With a squid theme! Everything squid themed!"

Killua stuck out his tongue, "Laaaame!"

"Squidderific Sushi Palace!"

"Double lame!"

"Squids-R-Us?"

"Hell no!"

"I'll come up with something eventually!"

Killua had a thought, then looked down to the table blushing, "I do know one thing I'd want to do with my time..."

"What's that?"

"I uh...haven't talked to Gon in a while. I think I'll see what he's up to."

"Haha! You look like a girl with a crush when saying that!"

Killua just went back for the tea, deciding not to drink the water given to him by his waiter, "Anyway...I'm calling that waiter Pouf from now on..."

Ikalgo snickered, "That's kind of mean."

When they left the premises, Killua picking up the bill, the waiter had come back to the table and noticed the napkin with the writing.

He blinked, "OH MY GOD!" He snatched up the napkin and flushed, "That guy must have the wrong idea!"

The napkin was really for a co-worker.


	3. All Aboard the Hisoka train 1

A/N: This is a pairing one. Takes place after the wedding. Hope you lol Amber Cyanide.

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><p>This was a nice café now that he really got a look at it. If memory served him right, this was where two of his friends met up after years apart to not just rekindle the sparks of friendship, but discovered their love for each other. Reaching to tuck a bit of blonde hair behind his ear, Kurapika smiled a little. The wedding turned out nice. After it was over, he'd had some drinks and left with the person he was currently waiting for. Well, the smile wasn't for the person he was waiting for, it was due to the sweetness that must have unfolded between long time friends. It was a little weird being a maid of honor, but it was a role he was sure he played well. Somehow, by some miracle, his friends didn't notice what was going on with him. Killua seemed a little suspicious.<p>

He brought the teacup up and took a sip. He'd gotten a message from Killua that surprised him a little, but he quickly accepted. The Zoldyck was back to his normal self. Of course, it didn't really change the 'wife' status all that much.

He took another, longer, sip of his tea.

"If you could give me as much caring attention as that cup of tea, I could be a much happier man you know."

The Kurta ignored the innuendo.

"And if you lick the rim of the cup, I'd be even happier to watch."

The cup was back on the table instantly, "You're late."

The magician was grinning in the seat across from the blonde, "You have a lot of nerve you know."

"I do!? Look who's talking!"

"You asked me for such a big favor because you're starting to think of this as more than the agreement", Hisoka smiled, "Aren't you?"

Kurapika had become an expert in not blushing. Especially in front of Hisoka, "I was crazy to even agree to it in the first place."

"Yes well, I was even more surprised when you actually agreed. Someone's been deprived."

"Shut up."

"You needed a companion and you sought out me. I'm such a giving person."

"Give me a break!"

"I can't give you a break, but I can give you something whole to calm your nerves."

"S-Shut up..."

"Conjurers are so high strung. But you seem much less so after getting some d-"

"Enough already. You called me here, you came late, and what's with the getup?"

"Oh? You don't like me in normal clothes? Does my regular clown self turn you on?"

"Hell no!"

He continued to grin, even after the waiter came over to ask if he wanted anything, "I'll take your best red wine."

Pouf smiled, "You're in for a treat. We have a great imported red wine that you have to try! I'll be right back with it."

Hisoka looked, "Before you leave, answer me this."

Pouf blinked, " What's that?"

"Do you think my companion here would look swell in a dress?"

Kurapika froze and glared daggers.

Pouf nodded, "Of course!"

"A slim one works don't you think? One has to show off the figure they're hiding."

"I agree whole heartedly sir!"

"Okay", Hisoka looked back to the flabbergasted Kurta as Pouf walked away.

"What the hell Hisoka!?"

"But you would look good. A wardrobe change could fit you every once in a while. You wear such plain things!"

"Says the guy who's always dressed like a clown..."

He chuckled, "We should go shopping after this little lunch."

"That's a terrible idea..."

"It would be fun. It's the least I can do as your...", he paused for effect and lowered his voice, _"Boyfriend."_

Kurapika was frozen.

"Or is boy toy more accurate?"

He was trying not to feel anything really. He wasn't even looking in the magician's direction, "You are not..."

"That's not a convincing tone. I think I was right. You are starting to change the way you view things. You want more. Was it the wedding that changed your mind?"

"Not happening."

"You're saying that, but you have such a _**nice** _aura about you."

Now his face was getting red.

"You just need to start playing nice. I can play nice if you do. You always leave and you're so cold!"

"Hisoka.."

"Cold cold!"

"Hisoka..."

"Ice cold!"

"Shut...up..."

"I feel the chill even before you speak. You're an ice queen Kurapika!"

"Oh my God..."

"Let it go."

"What the hell?"

"I'm trying to play nice Kur-a-pi-ka."

Pouf had come back over and poured the wine for them both, "Enjoy!"

Kurapika was red faced and glaring at Hisoka as if he had two heads.

"Oh. I'm bad at making you smile. You are an ice queen." He reached for his wine, twirling it a bit before taking a sip.

"If I'm an ice queen, that makes you a troll in the wilderness. Or a creepy jester."

"Have some wine. You can loosen up a bit. This jester of the court will pay for it."

"No thank you."

"Ice queeeen."

"Stop calling me that. Why are you so hyper today!?"

"Maybe because you're always so high strung. When all you really need is to be wined, dined, and d-"

"No more please..."

Hisoka chuckled, going to set his glass down. His hand hit the salad fork, which flipped up, "Oh", he raised a finger, stretching bungee gum to it and yanking it back a bit. The fork actually flew straight for him and the side meant for holding hit his forehead. He just blinked in surprise...and blinked a few more times.

There was silence.

Then Hisoka quirked a brow when the Kurta started laughing.

"I...I don't know if you did that on purpose...", he spoke between giggles, "but your face..."

He had a little smirk before he laughed too, "Well if that's all it took, then maybe you aren't such an ice queen after all."

He snickered, "Maybe I can play nice a little..."

Hisoka smiled, "That's more like it."

When they left the café, Kurapika lingered closer than usual. They decided to go on a little shopping trip anyway. Kurapika still refused a dress, or anything Hisoka would offer that was outrageous, but baby steps and maybe, just maybe, he'd let his thoughts of being more...be more than thoughts.

The magician already knew what was happening. Before the imminent protest would come, he lightly brushed his hand against the Kurta's. Nothing happened. So he was a little surprised when down the block, the other hand brushed his as a timid response.

"Hmmm you in a dress _though...schwing!"_

And the moment was as gone as fast it came, "You are too much..."


	4. All Aboard the Hisoka train 2

A/N: Hisoka and Killua convo. Dedicated to Stakstik. Takes place a day or two after the wedding! I hope you find this golden! ;D

Part One feat. FemKillua...GO! Next convo is part two - Hisoka and male Killua.

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><p>It was a little nostalgic, coming back to this café. It was a place of beginnings...wonderful beginnings.<p>

She liked the little pressing feel of the silver wedding band as she held onto the cup of water with lemons in it. Just looking at it made her remember everything from beginning to end. The memories made her smile. Without a doubt, she was sure that Gon would accept what she ultimately decided after having a conversation with Illumi, grandpa Zeno, and Morel. She wasn't ready for a lot of things and despite the perks, she wanted to change back. She didn't tell Gon that this was why she left him in Leorio's care, so her reason for venturing home to Kukuroo Mountain was a half truth at best. She didn't tell anyone about this choice, but the chances were over a hundred percent that her husband would like seeing her as the boy she used to be.

That was a mouthful if she ever heard one.

Gon said it himself.

_"Killua is Killua no matter what gender!"_

That was certainly true. He also said he'd feel bad that his best friend put the effort into becoming a girl, and was going to undo those efforts. She looked at her wedding ring. _Worth it._

Pouf was still the Zoldyck's waiter, even after the sheer amount of times she'd come here as a boy every time a trip to Yorknew was in order. Her thoughts shifted. She had to face the rest of her family members now. It took for Zeno and Morel to be there to stop her from trying to kill Illumi for what he did. Every morning since her and Gon's wedding, she checked his abdomen to see how his injury was doing while Leorio wasn't around. That guy would have yelled to leave it alone and let it heal. Even though Gon was a fast healer, it would without a doubt leave a permanent scar. They didn't have a first dance at the reception even though she'd learned from Knov how to dance just for the occasion.

Then there was the fact that she was already hiding a secret from Gon even though they were newlyweds for a full twenty-four hours now.

"I'm so surprised to see you here Killua-kun!"

And the source of that confounded secret had taken a seat across from her unexpectedly, "What do you want?"

"Now now. Is that any way to greet a former wedding guest?"

"Are you here to finish what you started?"

Hisoka grinned mischievously, "Do you have that Shoot friend of yours on speed dial? It was much more fun fighting the both of you together than you alone."

"You tried to kill me on my wedding day. You've got a lot of nerve coming anywhere near me."

"I'm surprised you're not huddled up with your injured husband. Why is a newlywed such as yourself here and alone? That's a bad habit you know. In horror movies, the one who wanders off gets killed."

"Well, it won't be a horror movie then. I won't be as distracted as I was the last time. I can kill you."

"Now now! Such a harsh tone! I'm friendly today. In a particularly good mood!"

"Hisoka, there is something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Oh? Ask me of all people? I don't know how I should feel about that", he grinned.

"Why did you agree to help Kurapika?"

"I cannot say."

Killua chuckled, "What did you make a promise or something?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? I did give my word. About a lot of things to this person."

Killua was a little confused. It seemed Hisoka was softening up at the thought of making a promise to the Kurta. That was weird...but got her all the more curious. She'd been too distracted to even see Hisoka at the reception, but some dots were starting to connect.

"I just remembered. I need to return something to you. I've been carrying something of yours since you'd lost it."

The Zoldyck was confused, only to look in a bit of shock when the magician pulled out her torn wedding veil.

"You dropped it so suddenly. It's the right thing to do to return something like this to its rightful owner."

"Bastard, you ripped it off when you tried to take off my head!"

"Now now. How you lost it is unimportant. But I've got your veeeeeeeil. Killua-kun, it means you're not so pure anymore. Though I'm not sure if you were so pure to begin with on your wedding day! What deception from you and Gon-kun!"

"Give me that!"

"Gon-kun has grown so much. Did he ravage you like some instinctual animal?"

"What the hell!?"

"Someone likes it rough."

Her face was getting red.

"But I am a little disappointed. I figured Gon-kun would leave not a spot of you untouched. I only see a few marks you're trying to hide. Or are you hiding more with makeup? Such a bad habit Killua-kun. People could get the wrong idea."

"Why the hell are you analyzing me!?" She reached up to put a hand over the side of her neck where she remembered there was a hickie.

"Gon-kun has grown into a bit of a freak.", the magician wagged his index finger, "And as a fellow transmuter, you can become one too."

"This conversation is not happening..."

"Even more so. Tell me, does he fight similar to how he f-"

"Leaving now..." She stood up, startling the unsuspecting Pouf who came over to greet them.

Pouf stammered, "Miss! Is there something wrong? Do you need Manager Meruem!?"

"No, I just ran into some bad company. It has nothing to do with this place."

Hisoka just kept a knowing grin, "Hope to see you soon. Oh and by the way...you forgot your veeeeeeeeeeeeeil."

Killua took a chance, reaching to snatch it from the magician's hand.

Instead, he came to a stand, reaching for the Zoldyck's hands and pulling her close and into the perfect position for a waltz, "I never did get my turn to have a dance chat with the bride."

"I will electrocute you..."

Pouf waved, "Miss, if he's bothering you! I can...!"

"What seems to be the problem here?"

Everyone turned to look at the source of the new voice.

Killua forgot that she was in Hisoka's arms. Actually, her mind just went blank. This security guard looked an awful lot like...

Pouf nodded, "Youpi! I think we do. This gentleman came to sit with this lady and now it's gotten physical!"

Hisoka quirked a brow.

The security guard, who was very red all over from the heat and _certainly_ not from being a chimera ant, cracked his knuckles, "Sir, I advise you let the lady go."

Hisoka chuckled, "Well don't you have an ugly mug..."

Pouf backed away quietly. He knew very well that Youpi had a temper that not even yoga could fix. And they tried going to yoga together! To make matters worse, this would have to be reported to Manager Meruem, who was on break.

Youpi glared, "Say that for me one more time."

Killua was getting a little wide eyed and trying to figure out if she was seeing things.

Hisoka blinked, "Well I certainly don't feel like repeating myself. And I do enjoy this café. I guess I'll take my leave. You don't seem very interesting mister security guard."

"Interesting or not, I suggest you scat to cool your head."

Hisoka had let go of the Zoldyck, deciding to take his leave, "Okay, till we meet again Killua-kun!"

Killua just slumped back in her seat, unsure of what just happened.

Pouf came forth again, kneeling, "Are you okay miss? He didn't seem to have good intentions. Which is so weird! He was here with his girlfriend yesterday!"

Killua stared at Youpi, who was watching Hisoka leave, "Uh, he did want to give something back to me that I lost..."

Pouf blinked, "Tell me we didn't kick him out for no reason!" The manager would be pissed with him and Youpi if that was the case. He didn't want to feel the manager's wrath!

Killua shook her head, "Wait, did you say girlfriend!?"

"Well yes. A beautiful blonde! She had these red earrings I'd never seen before. I assumed that was his girlfriend because of how close they seemed. It definitely had that date atmosphere", he nodded to himself.

Killua blinked, "It can't be..."

"I swear to it. She was very cute! So I was confused when he sat down to talk to you. What a bum if he's trying to two time such a pretty thing!"

Killua had to be sure, "Was this...girl...wearing a long blue dress like garb outlined with a yellowish, goldish color?"

"Definitely! That sounds like her. She left with that guy laughing and smiling. Definitely had to be dating. What do you know her?"

"I need some air and to make a phone call. I'm not going to order anything."

Pouf nodded, "That's fine! By the way, what did that weird guy want to return anyway?"

Killua looked around, then narrowing her eyes, "Son of a-!" That veil was nowhere to be seen! She got up and rushed out, finding there wasn't a damn trace of the magician anywhere!


End file.
